The Breast within....

[Goldenstar]

Name: Beaststar

Age: 50 moons

Rank: Leader

Gender: Male

History: Beaststar has a horror movie for a past, death, war, murder, Conspiracy and famine have ravaged his life, in that order to be truthful

Beastkit: Beastkit was born to Thunder Clan in a epidemic of Black cough, a bad Disese that spreads quickly. He almost didn't live to see apprenticeship. He later lost his Brother, Sister, and Father to the desise not one later. At the age of 2 moons he had lost his mother and was now training before apprenticeship, he would train all day in both herbs and combat. He had no Major events for the next 4 moons

Beastpaw: Beastpaw was the apprentice of the Deputy, Flametree, one of Thunder Clan's fiercest warriors. While training he was attacked by Shadow Clan in a war over Snakerocks. Flametree would die of poison the next day. He would then be assigned to work on a top secret mission to find new land for Thunder Clan to the west, he left with 10 warriors, 5 male, 5 female, and him, the 11th cat. He and his party would be ambushed by rouges, one in proclaimed Solar, a 'King of Kings' as his followers called him. (Little side note, if you were ever talking to King Xerxes of Peria, you would be shure to call him that) He returned and was made a warrior

Beastclaw: BeaStarClanlaw was a skilled warrior, a brilliant deputy and a better diplomat. His skills were put to the test when the peace talks with Shadow Clan came about. He would not only end a war, but start the conspires that lead to the down fall of Yellowstar, Thunder Clan's noble leader and hero in the Thunder/Shadow crisis. When the crisis ended Solar returned to kill Beastclaw, only instead killing Yellowstar on his last life, Solar himself would escape to fight another day. Have trained four apprentices at this time (all dying in the Thunder/Shadow crisis) he took over as Leader of Thunder Clan, getting his 9 lives ( which is a good song might I add, by Kenny Chesny and Def Leopard) from his Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, two of the warriors that died on the canonization mission, Yellowstar, Thunderstar himself, and Flametree.

Leadership: That, my friends, is what we shall see.

Personality: "Beaststar is a warrior king" is what you would here from most of Thunder Clan. He has a swift mind, but a swifter claw. One could say he was destined to destroy himself in revenge. He has a dark, murderous side when in battle. He is like a mix of Skemnt ( Egyptian goddess of war), Thor (Norse god of strength) and Zues (Greek god of thunder). If that doesn't say anything, you need to read more mythology.

Picture: img87.imageshack.us/img87/7270/26714654jj6.jpg

Family: All are dead, so who really cares?

Appearance: Beaststar is a large, grayish black cat, he has a scar on his left eye, no this is not a symbolic scar, ok part of it is. he has short fur. He has a green eyes. He will not even let a queen with her kits escape his warriors, he will spare them, but would never kill them. As in NEVER let ANYONE kill a queen and her kits, so he has a bit of compassion for others.

RP example: Beaststar looked around the 'Star World' as he called it, the land that Star Clan controlled. He felt the powerful surge of pure spirt energy. No cat could truly understand the power he saut. Not ever his owen clan-mates understood it. "I will brig the end to the darkness that plagues the land my clan lives on." he vowed top all of Star Clan " And any cat, living or dead, will not stop me.......................... Promise me this my ancestors." In unison, the spirts said " We will grant you your wish, but a single warrior will kill you nine times. Beware your owen warriors. Trust none."

[Fallingmoon]

OK, I must first say: Spell check. xP THE most import thing... almost. Oh, and the title... "The Breast within"? Do you mean "The beast within"? Also, check your capitalization (mind you, I have a problem with that too. xP) Also, say StarClan, ShadowClan, ThunderClan, WindClan and RiverClan. No spaces. xD Now, let me start with the history:

"He almost didn't live to see apprenticeship." Could you describe how? Like had he gotten sick, did he almost, was there not enough food from the lack of warriors? Go into detail, please. Like this: "He had almost died, given the shortage of food and water because there was not enough warriors to hunt and fetch water. Since the dreaded black-cough was among the clan, even his litter mates and family, he had barley been saved by their medicine cat."

"Beastpaw was the apprentice of the Deputy, Flametree, one of Thunder Clan's fiercest warriors." (I corrected your spelling. xP) Now, it's lovely indeed! There is just one problem. I think you put a bit to much in one sentence. Like say something along the lines of "Beastpaw was a proud apprentice of ThunderClan. His mentor was even the deputy, Flametree, who was one of the fiercest warriors in the Clan."

"While training he was attacked by Shadow Clan in a war over Snakerocks. Flametree would die of poisin poison the next day." Again, the space. What about Flametree? You skipped the part about the poison, did he get bitten by a snake? Infected by a wound of dirty claws? Fill in the blank. ^^

"He would then be assigned to work on a top secret mission to find new land for Thunder Clan to the west, he left with 10 ten warriors, 5five male, 5 five female, and him, the 11th eleventh cat." Again, the space. xP Then, the "he was left with ten warriors, five male, five female, and him, the eleventh cat." Why not join the "five male and five fe-male" to make "five toms and five she-cats, then the brave apprentice making the eleventh cat, Beastpaw." =D

"(Little side note, if you were ever talking to King Xexes of Peria, you would be shure to call him that) He returned and was made a warrior." Now, delete the thing in the parenthesis. You could make a separate sentence. Now, the last part seems a big tiny. This is a suggestion, you don't have to do it, but say something like "He returned from his amazing adventure, coming back and with great surprise. Their leader soon made him a warrior with the name of, Beastclaw in honor of his great nobility, strength and bravery.."

"He would not only end a war, but start the conspires that lead to the down fall of Yellowstar, Thunder Clan's noble leader and hero in the Thunder/Shadow crisis."First, conspiracy. Then, why put Thunder/Shadow Clan crisis? Maybe like, ThunderClan and ShadowClan clash.

"Have trained four apprentices at this time (all dying in the Thunder/Shadow crisis) he took over as Leader of Thunder Clan, getting his 9 nine lives ( which is a good song might I add, by Kenny Chesny and Def Lepord) from hjis his Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, two of the warriors that died on the canonization mission, Yellowstar, Thunderstar himself, (What the heck? No, ThunderStar was not there, this is not one of the first leaders, I'm sorry. xP) and Flametree." First way to much info! D= Second, the first parenthesis could be a great sentence. Second, were you talking to someone else on that second pair of parenthesis? That was random. x.x Not to be rude, just take it out! D= Spell check. Divide into sentences, because that is one LONG sentence!

Now, I'll let you fix this, then we can move onto the personality. ^^ Not to be rude or over expected. Anyway, good luck! You'll be a leader in no time.

.xX*EDIT*Xx. Use the correct biography form before I conceder your changes please. ^^